


burned my heart in the sky

by valinors



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/F, a little bit of yveseul, author may or may not think feelings might be a little overrated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23943256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valinors/pseuds/valinors
Summary: [end of the world au; things that go unsaid.]“Makes you think about what matters, doesn’t it?”Hyunjin thinks of askew glasses and hands that fit with hers. She forces a smile. “Yeah. Have a good day.”
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	burned my heart in the sky

_i said i’d be alright_

_but i guess not._

– [eaj](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqNGSoLI8c8)

::

The news spread fast, like wildfire. _This is it. The end of everything_ , the whispers said. _In a couple of months, maybe six at most,_ the whispers said. There had been signs, of course, hints that this was the final curtain call for humanity. It was just that nobody had paid enough attention before.

At eight in the morning, Kim Hyunjin opens her café for the day.

And on the other side of the world, Jeon Heejin runs out of her dorm with a hastily packed backpack and her passport clutched in one hand.

::

Hyunjin’s phone buzzes for what must be the hundredth time that day. She ignores it, in favour of the customer in front of her. “Do you want it warmed up?”

“No thanks.”

“Okay. Cash or card?”

“Card?” The girl in front of her doesn’t sound sure, but Hyunjin ignores the lilt in the girl’s voice.

“You can tap whenever you’re ready.” Hyunjin turns to take a cookie out of the display.

“Pretty messed up, huh?”

“Hm?”

“The news, I mean. That the world’s ending.”

“Oh… yeah, I guess. Here’s your cookie.”

“Makes you think about what matters, doesn’t it?”

Hyunjin thinks of askew glasses and hands that fit with hers. She forces a smile. “Yeah. Have a good day.”

::

Hyunjin finally picks up her phone during her lunch break. “Hello?”

“Finally! Where have you been?” Yeojin exclaims.

“At… work?” Hyunjin answers, confused. “Where else would I be?”

“I thought… never mind what I thought. Did you hear about the world ending?”

“Of course,” Hyunjin says, rolling her eyes even if Yeojin can’t see, “It’s all anyone can talk about when they come in. The world’s ending and oh, they’d like a chocolate chip cookie with a coffee, thanks.”

Yeojin laughs. “Come over tonight! I want to watch something. If the world’s ending, I want to watch all the films I can before it ends.”

“I… would rather not.”

“Please? I already asked Hyejoo and Yerim. You can’t make me third-wheel!”

“I can, actually. Can’t you ask Sooyoung?”

Yeojin is quiet for a moment. “Haseul said she won’t know when she can come back. Everyone’s trying to catch the first flight out.”

Hyunjin sighs. “Okay. I’ll come after work. There’d better be food. I’m not nice for free.”

::

“We’re here!” Yerim announces as she opens the door.

“They know. I texted them,” Hyejoo says behind her, rolling her eyes.

“Where’s Yeojin?” Yerim asks, ignoring Hyejoo.

“In her room looking for something. Did you bring food?” Hyunjin asks in greeting.

“Chivalry really is dead,” Hyejoo deadpans as she takes a seat next to Hyunjin. She hands Hyunjin a plastic bag. “Go crazy.”

Hyunjin smirks. “The world’s ending. No time to waste on niceties anymore.”

“You were never nice in the first place,” Hyejoo retorts.

“You’re not the nicest either,” Yerim reminds Hyejoo as she sits next to her.

“Hyejoo’s only nice when no one’s looking,” Yeojin says as she leaves her room waving a binder in her hand excitedly. “Anyways, Hyejoo and Hyunjin being mean is old news. Look! Photos!”

“Didn’t you find this last time?” Hyunjin asks as Yeojin opens the binder for the four of them to look at. “I swear these are the same photos. I’ve definitely seen Hyejoo crying in that sweater before.”

Hyejoo elbows her in the ribs. “Of course you’ve seen that you were there, idiot. But I’m pretty sure Hyunjin’s right.”

“No, I added more that I found. Sooyoung helped me the last time she came over.”

“I thought Sooyoung moved out,” Hyunjin says. “When… you know.”

“They’re getting back together,” Yeojin says dismissively as she continues to flip through the binder.

Hyunjin raises an eyebrow. “How do you know?”

“I just know,” Yeojin answers simply.

Yerim clears her throat. “Yeojin just means that it’s always seemed inevitable that they’ll end up together again. They kept in contact even when Haseul left, after all.”

“And Haseul said she’d come back,” Yeojin adds. “For Sooyoung. But for me, mostly.”

Hyejoo snorts. “Haseul definitely did not say that last part.”

“You can’t prove that,” Yeojin says, sticking out her tongue.

“But how do you know, for sure?” Hyunjin says, interrupting the two of them before they start arguing.

Yeojin shrugs. “It’s just… natural. They’ve known each other for forever. They’ve liked each other for forever too. Haseul leaving was just like a break, right? Sooyoung and Haseul were just on different pages. But now they’re both on the same page. So why wouldn’t they get back together when Haseul comes back?” She turns her attention back to the photos. “Look, this was when we surprised Yerim on her birthday!”

Hyunjin thinks of easy hugs and whispered conversations at midnight and thinks, _Is it that simple?_

“Are you thinking about Heejin?” Hyejoo asks later, when Yerim and Yeojin are both fast asleep, Yerim drooling a little on Hyejoo’s shoulder. Yeojin is curled up on the floor underneath her blanket, having fallen asleep somewhere in the first half hour of their third film of the night.

“No,” Hyunjin lies.

“She’s probably coming back now. End of the world, and all that. Her parents are here too.”

“Good for her.”

“Maybe she’s coming back for you too.”

“People don’t come back for the reason they left,” Hyunjin says, ignoring the way bitterness seeps into her words.

“Sometimes people make mistakes. People do that, when they’re scared,” Hyejoo says after a moment.

“That doesn’t mean it hurts less.” Hyunjin stands to stretch and pushes the thought of Heejin out of her mind. _Enough_ , she reminds herself. “Do you want the bed or the couch?”

::

“Hi! I’m Haseul.”

Heejin looks up from her phone. “Hello. I’m Heejin.”

“I just thought I’d introduce myself. Since we’re sitting next to each other for the better part of a day.”

Heejin smiles before looking back down at her phone. She’s had the Notes app open ever since she boarded her plane, but she doesn’t really know what to say besides _I’m sorry I actually do love you I have for a really long time I was just scared please don’t hate me the world is ending do you still love me?_ which, well. She’s pretty sure Hyunjin won’t take her back with _that_.

Her seatmate speaks up again, cutting into her thoughts. “I was scared I wouldn’t be able to get on this plane, actually.”

Heejin hums noncommittedly, staring at the clusterfuck of a sentence she’s managed to type up. _Does Hyunjin hate me?_ she wonders. _Probably,_ a little voice in her head says. _You left her, remember?_

“But I really wanted to. I have a younger sister back home. She’s really tiny–well, I’m also tiny but she’s tinier than me. She’s kind of chaotic and a little much but I love her anyways. Our parents used to say we were total opposites, isn’t that funny? I like to think of it as balance though. We balance each other out. She knows how to make me laugh and make me do silly things. Which is good! Even though sometimes it takes me a while to catch on… And I’m always there to ground her when she gets kind of too crazy, you know? I asked… a friend to keep an eye on her while I was gone but… Anyways. Who are you going back for?”

Heejin blinks rapidly and hopes her seatmate doesn’t notice that there might be tears in her eyes. Turning off her phone, she turns to her seatmate. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

Haseul smiles at her. “Nothing. Who are you going back for?”

“Oh.” Heejin could’ve have sworn she’d said something about a sister. “A friend.” _Is Hyunjin still your friend?_ the little voice asks. “Or… well. An old friend,” she amends.

“Someone you’re in love with?”

She’s definitely seen those almost-tears in Heejin’s eyes. Heejin smiles weakly. “It’s… kind of complicated.”

Haseul takes out a tissue pack, hands a tissue to Heejin and smiles again. “That’s okay. We have a whole flight! Maybe I can help you.”

Heejin stares at her seatmate for a moment. It’s not like she has anything to lose. “Okay.”

::

“Are you sure you have a ride?” Haseul asks for the third time.

Heejin glances at Haseul’s not-girlfriend for the umpteenth time. Sooyoung stares back and Heejin gulps. Haseul didn’t say her not-girlfriend was this scary. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me!”

Haseul whacks Sooyoung’s arm. “Stop scaring her!”

“That hurts,” Sooyoung says, frowning as she rubs the spot Haseul hit. “You should have told me you decided to adopt another grown child during your flight. Why do all your children stare? I’m not even doing anything.”

“It’s okay, really!” Heejin interjects hastily, deciding to ignore the comment about being a grown child. “I don’t even know where Hyunjin lives now so I couldn’t give you an address to drop me off, anyways.”

Sooyoung raises an eyebrow. “Hyunjin? Kim Hyunjin? Tall-ish? Likes cats?” She pulls up a photo of Hyunjin and someone else laughing at Hyejoo on her phone. “This Hyunjin?”

“Y-Yeah. You know her?” Heejin squints at the photo. “You know Hyejoo?”

Sooyoung pointedly avoids Haseul’s curious gaze. “Yeojin mentions her a lot. They had a sleepover with Hyejoo and Yerim the other day.”

Heejin blinks. She has no idea who Yeojin is. “Do you know where Hyunjin lives?”

Sooyoung stares at her. “Haseul, did you adopt a stalker?”

Haseul whacks Sooyoung again. “Of course not. Heejin’s in love with Hyunjin, that’s all. She’s trying to win her back.”

“Like Haseul with you,” Heejin adds, trying to be helpful.

Sooyoung stares at Heejin again and Heejin squirms a little under the attention. Definitely not helpful.

Haseul coughs after a moment to break the awkwardness. “Anyways. Do you know where Hyunjin lives, Sooyoung?”

Sooyoung stares at Heejin for another moment before pulling up Yerim’s number and handing Heejin her phone. “Here. Call Yerim. If Hyejoo answers, ignore whatever she says and ask for Yerim.” Sooyoung points to the automatic doors. “Go call outside. Haseul and I will wait here.”

Heejin gulps and looks to Haseul.

Haseul rolls her eyes and gently pushes Heejin in the direction of the doors. “Go find out where Hyunjin lives. We’ll drop you off. Sooyoung’s just being fussy because it’s late.”

Heejin nods and scrambles towards the doors, nearly dropping Sooyoung’s phone as she hears Sooyoung say, “I’m not co-parenting another grown child with you.”

Yerim picks up on the first ring when Heejin calls. “Sooyoung! Hyejoo says she won’t pay you back, if that’s what you’re calling about.”

Heejin clears her throat. “Actually, it’s Heejin, Yerim.”

“Oh! Hi Heejin! I didn’t know you knew Sooyoung! Are you back?”

“I uh… I don’t really. But yeah. I’m back. World ending, and everything. Actually, I was, um, I was wondering if you could tell me Hyunjin’s address.”

Yerim doesn’t answer for a moment. “I… I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Heejin.”

“Please,” Heejin winces at the desperation in her voice. “I really need to talk to her.”

“Hyunjin deserved better than that, you know,” Yerim says quietly.

“I know. I made a mistake. A lot of them. I know. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you need to apologise to.”

“I know.”

Yerim stays silent.

“I was just… I was scared. I’m not—I’m wasn’t brave enough, Yerim.”

“Do you love her?”

Heejin doesn’t hesitate. “Yes. Of course.”

“Are you still scared?”

Heejin thinks about what Haseul said on the plane when she was talking about Sooyoung. That she had run away too, that she hadn’t been ready. But Sooyoung had loved her still anyways. That maybe sometimes you got lucky enough to be in love with someone who would wait for you even when you ran away.

“A little bit,” she says. “But I’m… I’m braver now. I know what I want now.”

::

Incessant knocking on her door wakes Hyunjin up at one in the morning. Hyunjin opens the door with a baseball bat in hand, and promptly drops it with a loud clatter.

“How are you here? Why are you here?” Hyunjin asks. _This isn’t real_ , she thinks.

“The world’s ending, Hyunjin,” Heejin says like it’s the answer to both her questions.

It wasn’t something Hyunjin hadn’t heard before, but it was different this time, the way Heejin said it. Something Hyunjin couldn’t identify.

Reality checks in for Hyunjin. Heejin’s parents. “Do your parents know you’re here? I can–”

“Hyunjin,” Heejin says, and Hyunjin stops talking.

“Why are you really here, Heejin?” Hyunjin asks again, quieter this time.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said that night.”

Hyunjin looks at the floor. How many times had she imagined this scenario? Heejin, running back to her, apologising. Heejin, asking for forgiveness. _Isn’t this what you wanted?_ Hyunjin asks herself.

“Hyunjin? Did you hear me? I said–”

“I know what you said,” Hyunjin interrupts this time, and Hyunjin hates the way her voice is tight, hates the way she’s gripping the doorknob like it’s grounding her. “Is that it?”

“No, I… I have… look, I have more. I wrote it all out on the flight over here, everything.”

Hyunjin forces herself to ignore the way Heejin’s voice cracks. “I don’t want it,” she says instead. “I don’t want whatever you’ve rehearsed. I don’t want any of it. Please leave.”

“No, no you don’t understand–”

“You hurt me,” Hyunjin says, and Heejin falls silent. “You said you couldn’t love me back because you didn’t want us. And that was… that was okay. It would have been. But then you left, without saying anything. It would have been different maybe, if we hadn't been best friends. Maybe if we hadn’t known each other for so long. But we did. And you left, like it was easy for you. Like I wasn’t worth saying goodbye to.”

“I can explain–” Heejin starts.

“All this time. It’s been years,” Hyunjin says as she looks up to meet Heejin’s gaze. “And the world needed to end for you to come back.”

::

“What the fuck were you thinking,” is what Hyunjin opens the door to five hours later.

“Can you lock the door behind you? Why are you here?” Hyunjin mumbles as she pads back towards her bedroom.

“You’re so stupid,” Hyejoo says as she shuts the door.

“Hyejoo, it’s six in the morning,” Yerim admonishes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hyunjin says as she slips back under her covers.

Hyejoo rips the covers away and Hyunjin whines in protest. “We can’t find Heejin.”

Hyunjin swallows her panic as she sits up. “What does that have to do with me?”

“Quit playing around, Hyunjin!” Hyejoo snaps. “We know she came here last night.”

“Did you send her here?” Hyunjin asks, voice quiet.

“Isn’t this what you wanted, Hyunjin?” Yerim says carefully, and it feels like the edge of something dangerous, one secret away from ruins.

“I wanted better than this,” Hyunjin whispers in reply _._ “I wanted better than crying at midnight and I wanted better than waiting for someone who didn’t come back. I wanted… I wanted someone who loved me the same way I loved them.”

Yerim sits next to her and plays with the loose threads of her sweater sleeve. “But she did come back. And she does love you. And isn’t that… isn’t that enough for now?”

 _Is that what this is?_ Hyunjin wonders as her two best friends watch her. _Hoping for enough? Is this what we do at the end of the world? Settle for love?_

::

The first thing Hyunjin does when Hyejoo and Yerim kick her out of her own apartment is call Heejin. It’s all very romantic to go looking for someone who you’re in love with but waking up and being emotional isn’t exactly the best kind of wake up call. Also disorienting: being told that the love of your life does in fact love you back after being told by said love of life that she cannot be in love with you. Hyunjin’s working on it.

Heejin picks up on the first ring. “Hello?”

Hyunjin exhales. “Heejin?”

“Mm?”

“Where are you?”

“Are you… looking for me?” Heejin giggles.

Hyunjin frowns. “Are you okay?”

Heejin giggles again. “I haven’t slept since I woke up to the world ending. But I’m okay! Don’t worry about me! I just need to sleep… I’m at a friend’s place but… I think I got the address wrong… Someone really small answered the door instead. She said it was okay for me to come over if things didn’t… if I needed somewhere to sleep. I… ah, haven’t told my parents I’m back yet, and they’re probably asleep…”

“No!” Hyunjin cringes. _What the fuck was that_. “I’ll… I’ll come get you.”

“No, you can’t,” Heejin wails and okay maybe that hurts Hyunjin’s feelings a little bit but Heejin doesn’t need to know that.

“Just tell me where you are. I can help you.”

“No! I… I’m a _mess_ , Hyunjin you _can’t_ … the makeup I put on during my flight for you is _ruined_ ,” Heejin whines. “And I had to put my glasses on because one of my contact lenses fell out because I kept rubbing my eyes and I-I look _awful_ , Hyunjin you can’t come, I… I can’t have it be like this.”

“Have _what_ like this? I’ve seen you with glasses ever since you _got_ glasses, Heejin. _What_ are you talking about?”

“ _Us!_ I-” Heejin sniffles. “I… Never mind. It doesn’t matter now anyways. I ruined everything a long time ago anyways.”

Hyunjin starts to say something, is about to demand an explanation because _none_ of this makes any sense, when her phone starts buzzing in her hand. Hyunjin pulls her phone away from her ear to see Yeojin spamming her with texts.

_yo bread addict_

_there's a really sad baby sitting on the couch that goes by the name of Heejin_

_isn’t that the name of that girl you’re like in love with or something_

_she’s crying a lot_

_I should have known your type was loser_

_can you come pick her up_

_IT’S TOO EARLY FOR THIS HYUNJIN PLS IDK HOW TO TAKE CARE OF SAD STRANGERS_

Hyunjin blinks. “Heejin are you at Yeojin’s?”

“What? Who’s that? I’m at Haseul’s. I think. I met her on the plane. She was really nice!”

“Just… stay there, okay? I’ll come get you.”

“W-Wait no you can’t I-”

Hyunjin hangs up.

::

Okay so admittedly Heejin really didn’t think things through when she ran out of her dorm with only a change of clothes and her passport. In hindsight, Heejin probably should have done something else besides wake Hyunjin up in the middle of the night to try to win her back. Also in hindsight: Heejin should have not run away from the literal love of her life five years ago because she was scared. Specifically, Hyunjin.

“Hi Heejin.”

Speaking of Hyunjin, that sounded awfully familiar.

“Rough night?”

Heejin looks up as Hyunjin sits down next to her on Haseul’s couch. “What-How are you here?”

“This is my friend’s place,” Hyunjin answers. “Her name’s Yeojin. She’s the size of a troll? Haseul’s her older sister.”

Heejin blinks before rubbing her eyes furiously. “I don’t understand.”

Hyunjin smiles gently as she removes Heejin’s askew glasses for her. “That’s okay. You’ll get what I mean later.”

“Why… Why are you here? I…” Heejin frowns. “I thought you were mad at me still. You… at your apartment… you said…” Heejin tries to squash the flicker of hope in her chest.

Hyunjin doesn’t answer for a moment, wiping Heejin’s glasses clean with her hoodie sleeve. “Yeah. I know what I said.”

Heejin’s heart sinks.

“Are you cold?” Hyunjin asks suddenly.

“W-What?”

“Yeojin always makes it colder than it needs to be here. I went back to my apartment to get you a hoodie before I came here. I figured you didn’t bring one. You always forget things like that.” Hyunjin pulls out a hoodie Heejin recognises and offers it to her.

“Isn’t this… Are you giving it back?”

Hyunjin hesitates. “I… If you want it back?”

“No!” Heejin says embarrassingly fast.

“Oh. Okay. Well you can still wear it for now.”

Heejin stares.

“How tired _are_ you?” Hyunjin says, eyebrows raising with concern. “Here, I can–”

“Why are you here, Hyunjin?” Heejin asks instead, because the world is ending and the love of her life is sitting next to her like Heejin hadn’t gone and left her five years ago.

Hyunjin stills. “I wanted to hear what you had to say. I wanted… I wanted to know if what Hyejoo and Yerim said was true. They said you left because you were scared. And that you did love me. I wanted to hear what you had to say, because the world’s ending and you’re back, and you do love me and…” Hyunjin hesitates for a moment before continuing, “and maybe that’s all that matters.”

Heejin swallows hard. “It’s true. All of it. That I was sorry and that I still am and that I was scared, scared that all of it would be too much because you’re you and I’m me and I’m not… I’m not _good_ at any of this but you are and I’m sorry for fucking everything up. And I wanted to say it back, I _did_ because I knew we could be good, because you’re good to me, you always have been, even now, after I ran and took all those pieces of us away from you. But I was scared because what if we _weren’t_ , Hyunjin, what if I was wrong? And I know it was selfish of me, texting you when I didn’t reply to all your other texts, showing up at your door in the middle of the night, and I’m sorry, I’m sorry for leaving you and for only coming back when the world started to end but I’m not…” Heejin’s voice starts to tremble. “I’m not good at living without you. I’m sorry I took so long. I’m sorry I’m always selfish when it comes to you. I’m sorry I made you wait so long. But I love you.”

Heejin looks at Hyunjin, and she thinks of the note she’s rewritten over and over since the world started ending. She thinks about what it first said, _I’m sorry I actually do love you I have for a really long time I was just scared please don’t hate me the world is ending do you still love me?_ and how it was everything Heejin wanted to say and still somehow not enough. She thinks about what Haseul said, that maybe sometimes you got lucky enough to be in love with someone who would wait for you even when you ran away. She thinks about what the note says now, wonders if _I love you and I’m sorry_ is enough for a beginning at the end of the world. Heejin looks at Hyunjin, and decides it has to be enough.

“I love you,” Heejin repeats.

::

I have not spoken for three days

and I am thinking,

“ _Why not just settle for love? Why not just settle for love instead?_ ”

\- jack gilbert 

**Author's Note:**

> title from eaj.
> 
> disclaimer: subconscious projection may or may not have been involved. i wanted to do that "no beta we die like men" but that felt a little intimidating. apologies for any noticeable plot holes. i'll try better next time ^.^
> 
> side note: i didn't know if anyone would find this sad so i didn't put anything. should i? please tell
> 
> disclaimer pt. 2: hyunjin settled. sometimes people do that when you just want to be loved. or when the world's ending. is that okay? author doesn't know. lmk if you know.


End file.
